I'm hungry

Every time I've been awake for about 16 hours, my body starts talking. It usually says something like this: Hey. It's about that time... I'm getting sleepy. Do I get to sleep soon? Because, I'd like that. And then I lay down and sleep for some time and when I wake up, my body waits about 16 hours and then starts talking again.

I don't last much more than 16 hours effectively without doing the whole sleep thing.

But, hey, my body says other stuff, too. Every time I've gone about 3 hours without eating, my body says something like this: Hey. Is it breakfast time? Lunch time? Dinner time? Snack time? I'm hungry. Do I get to eat soon? I'd like that. And then I eat something and a few short hours later, my body starts talking again.

I get these reminders from my body every few hours. I need sleep. I need food. I need a bathroom. And yet, I somehow find myself believing that I am independent and in charge of my life.

Oh really, Hannah? You're independent? You can do this life thing by yourself? You don't rely on food? Your body doesn't need sleep? You can't even stay awake for one full day without losing your ability to think clearly. And you think you're independent? That's funny.

You think  you're in charge? You sleep for 6 to 8 hour hours at a time. During this time that you are sleeping, you aren't in control of anything. You aren't even aware of what is going on around you during this time. While you are sleeping, you aren't helping anyone or planning anything or being in charge of anything. You're sleeping. Do you really want the one who is in charge of your life to sleep through a quarter of it?

I cannot eat one big meal and then be good for a month. I need to eat regularly. Hourly, even. Nor can I sleep for a week and then stay awake for a week. I need a pattern of regular rest. I can't go to the bathroom for a very very long time and then not have to go at all for weeks. It doesn't work like that. I cannot breath a whole bunch of air, and then just not breathe for a couple of days. I need to be breathing constantly, continually depending on the oxygen in the air to fill my lungs because I can't fill them on my own. I regularly, daily, hourly, second-by-second rely on food, on rest, on the presence of a bathroom, on the air that I breathe. Moreover, I regularly, daily, hourly, constantly rely on the One true God, the One who doesn't have to sleep, the One who is in charge while and I am sleeping and while I am awake, the One who is completely independent, the One on whom I depend for every breath that I take, the One who doesn't depend on any of those things but is completely sufficient in Himself and provides naps and oxygen every single time I need them.

I delight in this dependence because I delight in the One on whom I depend. Independence wouldn't work out well for me. I forget that a lot, but with each growl of my stomach I am reminded that I cannot satisfy myself.